The Happy Place

CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE (Formerly “Steps2Happiness”)

I have MOVED my blog onto my Confidence and Courage site at www.confidenceandcourage.com/blog .

Please bookmark that site as the new location for all the Confidence and Courage articles you're used to reading weekly.

Pat Mussieux is Founder of Confidence and Courage, having changed the brand from Steps2Happiness – and creator of the “10 Steps2Happiness Home Study System”.  She works with women entrepreneurs helping them to grow their business by getting out of their own way – she is an undisputed expert in the field of mindset and marketing.

Confidence Tip for the Week: What is too Good For You?

What's Too Good For You?

How would you answer that question?

I have reflected on this quite a bit over the past year as I have made huge investments in my business.  I have also reflected on this question, personally, as I have made major changes in my own life.  What is too good for me? Now? Nothing!

A few years ago, I would have answered this question differently.  

Life is an interesting journey and I can tell you, quite confidently, that I am happier at this particular stage in life than I have ever been – both personally and with my business.  I am gearing up to celebrate my 60th birthday next year and let me tell you, it’s going to be quite the party!  I am planning on renting a villa in Portugal or Spain for the whole month of August – and that’s just part of it.

What is too good for me – nothing!

As we go through life – in our 20’s, our 30’s, our 40’s and now, for me, the 50’s, it’s all about life lessons.  The key is to get the lesson!  I grew up in a French Canadian Catholic military home – a very humble lifestyle.  It was a good life and a very happy life but there were no entrepreneurs around my world.  Once I got out on my own and discovered the big world and all the opportunities that existed, there was no stopping me!  What did hold me back, however, were the core beliefs I had about job opportunities and expectations about what was possible.  Only when I began working with The Pacific Institute over 20 years ago did I discover that the barriers and the boundaries to what I dreamt was possible for me and my life were all inside of me.  How very exciting!  That meant I held the key – that I could change anything and invent my own life.

I do believe that I wasted a whole lot of time listening to others though – paying too much attention to what people said, and what other people thought of me, and ‘was I ok”?  I remember, as I was building my speaking business, hearing people say “don’t get too big for your britches’ or ‘who do you think you are’?

I had a fabulous mentor those days – her name is JoLove Beach – she is still very much a part of my life – my inspiration, my cheerleader, my support, my friend.  I remember working with her on a project one time and we went to a business center to make photocopies.  We were on a tight time frame and there was a long line up at the copier machine.  Any time someone came up behind us and expressed their sense of urgency to get ahead in the line, I let them.  Finally, JoLove said to me: “Why is it you believe that your time is any less valuable than their time?”  That stopped me cold!  What?  Where did that come from?  I thought I was just being ‘nice’.  She saw it differently – and she was right.

I have never forgotten that experience and, to this day, I value my time just as much as…….if not more than………..  What a powerful lesson!

What is too good for me? Nothing!

Flash forward in my life now – where I am growing my business, working with a phenomenal team, have the most incredible business mentors (I have 3 now!) and I continue to invest in ME.

When I was on my trip around the world, I had the most wonderful experiences, in general.  Specifically though, it was quite the mindset process as I wrapped my head around the fact that I was flying on a private jet and staying in 5* hotels – and enjoying the best of the best.  Wow! Me? Well, yes, ME! And why not me?

(These photos show the grounds of the fabulous resort in Africa and then over to one of the breath-taking restaurants in Dubai.  If you would like to join me on the next world tour in October, call my friend, Ben, President of Travel Guild: 1.800.268.4284 for information – and visit the website: www.privatejetadventures.com)  

Here’s the lesson in all of this – when I work, I work hard.  When I play, I play hard.  I want to work and play with the best of the best – so that I can become my best and live my best life.   Have you ever heard it said that we are the average of the 5 people we hang around?  Well, you can bet that I am very discerning now about the people I spend time with – both for business and for pleasure.  (Note: Some people are not good for you!)

So what? Who cares? What difference does any of this make?  The point I want to make is if you are serious about your life and about your business, then you need to make an investment in time, energy and money to succeed.  Look around – find people who are living the life you want – who are succeeding at business the way you want to succeed.  Then do what it takes to become like that – that’s how we grow!
What’s too good for you?  I welcome your comments…….

ASSIGNMENT:

1)    Take a good look at your career and/or your business? Are you happy with where it’s at?
2)    When was the last time you invested in growing you? In growing your business?
3)    Who is responsible for your success?  What are you going to do about it?

Do some of these exercises and I guarantee that you will start to live your best life. When you try new things, you are developing the confidence and courage to move forward and invent the life you truly want to live.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg - now that you've handled the questions, how exactly do you live your life fully, 97-98% of the time? I've outlined every secret in detail, and it's all in my "Steps2Happiness Home Study System", so you can start using it all right away to get meaningful results. In addition to the exact techniques that have worked for me, the System includes everything you need to know to prioritize what to work on first, clear the decks, and set up simple, solid systems to organize your life. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things. So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. That's why my clients have gotten such great results from it. All the t ools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. So easy. You can get yours at www.confidenceandcourage.com

Confidence Tip for the Week: Letting Go Of Worry!

www.confidenceandcourage.com presents the weekly Confidence Tip: Letting Go Of Worry! This tip will help you to understand that 'worry is negative goal-setting' and that much of what we worry about never actually comes about - and a tip for flipping that mindset.

7 Steps to Reduce Worry!

While sitting in church on Sunday, our pastor was talking about the feeling of being overwhelmed. One of his statements was 'never worry alone'. That really jumped out at me, for a number of reasons.

"Worry is negative goal-setting" says my mentor, Lou Tice. Think about that for a minute – it makes a lot of sense. Most of the things we worry about never come about, anyway. So, why, as human beings, do we waste so much time and energy worrying – and, quite frankly, from my observations in coaching women over the past 20+ years, I recognize that this is one habit that many women have mastered. (I'm only referencing women because that's who I work with, for the most part.)

I will admit that my mind began to wander for the rest of the hour in church. I began to think about the many women with whom I work and the many 'worry statements' that I have heard over the years. Personally, I began to think about the drive that I made into downtown Toronto recently and how, at the first thought of doing that, I was a bit worried. Now, by nature, I am not the kind of woman who spends time and energy worrying. That's a useless emotion and habit, as far as I am concerned.

Some of the things my clients share with me that cause them worry include:

• Finances (how will I pay the bills this month – especially for new entrepreneurs)
• Aging parents
• Children going off to college
• What other people think about them
• The 'how' of ....anything
• Losing a job
• Being a 'bother' to clients (e.g. when determining how often to contact them and, yes, the 'how' of doing that)

I could go on and on with the lists of things that I hear. Personally, when I made the major changes in my life a few years ago – which included moving across the country to begin a new life and build my business here – I will admit that I did worry about becoming a 'bag lady' in my old age. Really! I had experienced financial hardship after my divorce, didn't have any clients in this part of the country and so on. There are many baby-boomers who have similar worries because of the state of their finances.

But, here's the thing! I didn't sit and worry about anything. I took action – and I want to share with you some of the steps that I apply, each and every day, to keep me moving forward – towards the dream. Again, the words of Lou Tice would often ring in my ears – "Oh ye of little faith!" Bottom line – you must believe in yourself and then take action to make your dreams come true. Or not – you can sit and worry till the cows come home – and nothing will change!

When I was on my trip around the world, I witnessed so many different modes of transportation. As I got my thinking in order and began the drive into downtown Toronto, I flashed back to the time I was in Viet Nam – (see photo) – going into Toronto was nothing like the experience of driving in Viet Nam. Easy, peasy, I told myself! Now, it didn't compare to getting around in Cambodia either (see photo) – but it's all relative, right? (If you would like to join me on the next world tour in the fall, call my friend, Ben, President of Travel Guild: 1.800.268.4284 for information – and visit the website: www.privatejetadventures.com)

Here are the 7 steps that I use to reduce worry, follow my dreams and live a fabulous life. They work for me and they can work for you, too.

1. Identify what you want (so, rather than focus on the worry of being a 'bag lady', I turned my sights to the positive side of what I DID want to have happen in my life).
2. Be clear, concise and write it down (that's the beauty of creating a vision board).
3. Control your self-talk to be positive (focus on the words 'success' rather than 'bag lady")
4. Take risks! (oh yeah – I've done my share of that – with no regrets!)
5. Ask for what you want (a great habit to develop and you'll be surprised, and delighted, at the number of people who really have a heart for helping).
6. Eliminate toxic people from your life (that is essential to getting past worry – and stay away from other people who worry a lot!).
7. If you aren't happy with who you are and what you do, then change it.

Easy to do? Not always. Necessary to living a happy and fulfilled life? Absolutely. Does it all happen at one time? Never. Just take baby steps. The secret Step #8 is to take action today!

So, don't worry – be happy!

It takes a lot of energy to reach your goals. When we spend time worrying (mostly about things that will never happen, anyway), we take away from that essential energy and focus. So, again in the words of my mentor, Lou Tice – "just stop it!"

What do you worry about? How does that hold you back from living your best life?

Assignment

1. Today, make a list of the things you worry about.
2. Look at that list and ask yourself the question: "Is that within my control or out of my control?"
3. For those items within your control, begin to tackle them one item at a time and get that list down to zero.

Do some of these exercises and I guarantee that you will start to live your best life. When you try new things, you are developing the confidence and courage to move forward and invent the life you truly want to live.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg - now that you've handled the question, how exactly do you live your life fully, 97-98% of the time? I've outlined every secret in detail, and it's all in my "Steps2Happiness Home Study System", so you can start using it all right away to get meaningful results. In addition to the exact techniques that have worked for me, the System includes everything you need to know to prioritize what to work on first, clear the decks, and set up simple, solid systems to organize your life. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things. So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. That's why my clients have gotten such great results from it. All the tools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. So easy. You can get yours at www. confidenceandcourage.com

Confidence Tip for the Week: Know Thyself

Here, we are talking about the use of power words when describing yourself and the business services that you offer. Get past your (Catholic) conditioning and beliefs that it's not 'good to speak well of self' - it is essential when you are talking to potential clients! Develop the habit.......

Three Questions That Can Change Your Life!

My friend Kate and I were discussing milestones in life and, in particular, some of the questions we ask ourselves when we hit a certain age.

Do you remember the movie, "The Wizard of Oz"?  Remember the tin man, the lion and the scarecrow and their journey down the yellow brick road, with Dorothy?  They were looking for the Wizard of Oz………..we're all looking for something, or someone.

Many years ago, a good friend of mine – Lee Buzzard – was giving a presentation and he was explaining to the audience that, since he was a Canadian citizen and often worked in the United States, going through Customs was a regular routine.  Each time he passed through Customs, he would be asked three questions:

• Who Are You?
• Where Are You Going?
• What Do You Have To Declare?

Lee went on to explain that our life journey is similar to passing through Customs – so we should regularly ask ourselves these three questions!  I know that is exactly what I did when I turned 50 years of age – and I didn't quite like the answers.  Much has changed since that time, for me.  Those major life changes took a tremendous amount of confidence, courage and having a strong support network.

I often think of, and reference, the movie, "The Wizard of Oz", in my own presentations.  Since most of my work is with women, the theme of this movie is so relevant.  Over the past 25 years and, as recently as this past weekend, I encounter women who are looking for brains (to learn more), looking for courage and confidence, and looking to find their heart again – much like the characters in the movie.  I have spent years working in the field of personal development and have mastered many of the mindset tools and techniques required to live my best life and to ‘have something to declare' on my own personal journey.

Who Are You?

What comes to mind when you ask yourself that question?  For many women, we have lost ourselves – lost our sense of identity.  For many women, also, when we reach the age of 50, for instance, we begin to wonder what else is out there in life – our role as mother has changed, our careers have peaked, and our lifestyle may be changing significantly.

Where Are You Going?

When I ask this question, and it is one of my favorites, I am often met with blank stares.  Women who have been in the corporate world for years are at a stage where it is more about significance than it is about success.  For entrepreneurs, it is often about working with more quality clients than it is about the quantity of clients.  For mothers, it is a very serious question of what to do with my life now that everyone is grown and I am not needed in that capacity any longer.  What tends to take over our mindset is fear, uncertainty and a feeling that we are ‘settling' in our lives.

What Have You Got To Declare?

And that's the real question!  I coach many women and help them to identify their strengths, their unique abilities, their talents – all of which can take them in any direction they choose!  However, many are stuck………..stuck in a rut…….stuck in a comfort zone……..staying with the familiar when, deep in their hearts, they know they have so much to offer.

I get very frustrated when I am in discussion with women who say they want to grow their business, change their career, try new adventures ……..BUT………they don't have the money, they can't find the time, they don't have the energy and so on and so on.  They need to get off their ‘buts' and get on with it.  My excitement and ‘job satisfaction' come from working with women who are willing to do anything, pay anything, and go anywhere to live life to the fullest. 

It's exciting for me, and for my clients, to experience the energy, the successes and the rewards to stepping up to the plate – stepping out in life – stepping into their greatness! There is no need to do this alone – great teams have great coaches.  Great athletes have great coaches. I know that when I tell women that I am a great coach, I often get looks of shock – it's like they're saying to me, "how can you be so bold'?  I am bold because I do know my strengths – I know my talents – I know my unique abilities.  I know I can help you with those 3 questions – but you need to ask yourself: "Am I ready? Am I serious? Am I willing to do, and pay, what it takes?"

Only you hold the key to your future.  What are you waiting for?  If not now, then when?

Assignment

1. Stop and ask yourself the 3 questions: Who Am I? Where Am I Going? What Do I Have To Declare?
2. How happy are you with the answers?
3. What is one thing you are prepared to do this week to begin to live your best life?

Do some of these exercises and I guarantee that you will start to live your best life. When you try new things, you are developing the confidence and courage to move forward and invent the life you truly want to live.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg - now that you've handled the question, how exactly do you live your life fully, 97-98% of the time? I've outlined every secret in detail, and it's all in my "Steps2Happiness Home Study System", so you can start using it all right away to get meaningful results. In addition to the exact techniques that have worked for me, the System includes everything you need to know to prioritize what to work on first, clear the decks, and set up simple, solid systems to organize your life. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things. So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. That's why my clients have gotten such great results from it. All the tools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. So easy. You can get yours at www. confidenceandcourage.com

Confidence Tip for the Week: Weak words

www.confidenceandcourage.com presents the power of words! Weak words take away your power......strengthen your vocabulary - use power words - 'act as if', if need be!

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones – But Words Will Never Hurt Me!

Do you remember this little chant from our earlier days?

I can remember, so very well, a lot of the teasing that I took as a young child. I had reddish hair, a ton of freckles – I was shorter than most people, everywhere (it seemed). I can also remember how the teasing hurt. How we feel about ourselves - our self-esteem - our sense of self-worth – our self-image - this is all formed at a very young age.

I know, from the many workshops that I have facilitated over the past 25 years, that we, as adults, carry these 'tapes' in our head right to this very day. Unless you are very aware of your thinking and your vocabulary, you, too, can be saying things to others (and to yourself, still) that hurt you. Words are a powerful weapon. Our words are a direct result of what we are thinking:

"Our present thoughts determine our future." – Lou Tice.

In the workshop this past weekend, Dr. Brad was presenting information to help us, as public speakers, grow our business. The session was very interactive. It was interesting to me to see how often he would zero in on one's vocabulary – the words that were being used to describe oneself – words such as: hope, think, might, perhaps, wish, maybe. "These are weak words", he would say (and I couldn't agree more!).

To grow your business, you must grow yourself.

I ask corporate leaders all the time, "What are you doing to grow your people?" As entrepreneurs, ask yourself the question, "What are YOU doing to grow YOU?" As individuals, what are you doing to become the best YOU?

It all starts with the way we think. Our words represent our thoughts and beliefs – and then we go out and act like the person we believe ourselves to be.

To grow our business as a public speaker, it is essential that we use power words in the process. Some of the questions we were discussing include:

1. What are you passionate about?
   
   
2. What are you best at doing?
   
   
3. What is your legacy, or calling?
   
   
4. What are you going to give up/let go of to make it work?

As you answer these questions, become very aware of the words you use. In the workshop, that's when we were hearing words such as: hope, think, might, etc. I agree with Dr. Brad – these are weak words!

My coaching clients would agree that I am constantly listening for strong vocabulary in the conversations that we have. Click here to read some of their testimonials on my website.

When I was on my trip around the world, I paid particular attention to mothers and children. I listened to the conversations and, in particular, to the exchange of words. So, whether it was this young entrepreneur in Viet Nam who told himself, on a daily basis, that he COULD grow his business (selling snakes and turtles to tourists) – to this young gal in Iceland, learning a new dance from my friend, Anne – it's all in the power of the words being used. (If you would like to join me on the next world tour, call my friend, Ben, President of Travel Guild: 1.800.268.4284 or visit the website www.privatejetadventures.com for more information! It's an amazing opportunity.)

"I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet." – Mohandas K. Gandhi

"Awareness is the master aptitude", said Dr. Brad. I concur. My updated version of the old expression would now read: Sticks and stones may break my bones and words will definitely hurt me. So, watch your words!

The beauty in all of this is that WE control our thoughts – we can change our core beliefs – we have the power. We can change those 'old tapes' in our head to become positive, up-lifting, affirming and forward thinking.

I know that I am a 'work in progress'. This is a 'do-it-yourself' project for me. I am constantly aware of my thinking and my vocabulary. I commit to putting brain in gear before I put my mouth in motion.

What about you? What is your level of awareness when it comes to your vocabulary – especially when you are speaking about your passion, your talents, your unique abilities?

Assignment

1. Stop and think BEFORE you speak any time this week. Become very quiet and aware of what words are beginning to form in your mind.
   
   
2. When it comes to work, does your vocabulary represent your passion, your talents and your unique gifts – or, are you practicing false humility?
   
   
3. When it comes to you, as an individual, does your vocabulary uplift and inspire?
   
   
4. What is one change you can make, beginning today, to incorporate more power words into your vocabulary? What difference will that make – especially if are you a coach or a public speaker?

Do some of these exercises and I guarantee that you will start to live your best life. When you try new things, you are developing the confidence and courage to move forward and invent the life you truly want to live.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg - now that you've handled the question, how exactly do you live your life fully, 97-98% of the time? I've outlined every secret in detail, and it's all in my "Steps2Happiness Home Study System", so you can start using it all right away to get meaningful results. In addition to the exact techniques that have worked for me, the System includes everything you need to know to prioritize what to work on first, clear the decks, and set up simple, solid systems to organize your life. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things. So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. That's why my clients have gotten such great results from it. All the tools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. So easy. You can get yours at www. confidenceandcourage.com

Confidence Tip for the Week: Networking Tips

Who are you and what do you do? Here are a few of my simple tips to make networking easier…….

Who Are You and What Do You Do?

As I was 'out and about' these past few weeks, visiting different networking groups in the local area, the first question that is typically asked is "Who are you and what do you do?"

Now, that question can evoke a ton of emotion within us. For many women in business, and in life in general, (yes, I know this is a sexist comment – but, it's also based on my own observations.), this question alone causes:

• Heart palpitations
• Redness on the neck and face
• Nervous hand gestures
• Sweaty palms, and so much more.

The internal, self-imposed, tension and pressure can be overwhelming for many women. For men, not so much – they have had much more exposure and experience to the whole networking situation.
What causes this level of anxiety? From my observations, I would suggest:

• Negative self-talk ("I'm not as good as", "as smart as", "as eloquent as", "can't do this", etc.)
• Lack of preparation
• Lack of clarity as to how to communicate exactly what we do
• Feeling shy
• Lack of practice
• Lack of self-confidence – to name but a few reasons.

Some of the habits I've observed, in networking situations and in public as well, include staying with the small group of people that you know (comfort zone issues), not even going to an event because just the thought of it is 'too much to handle', lack of eye contact, standing with arms crossed (not very welcoming!), etc.

Well, the thing is, people are everywhere. Call it 'networking' if you want, but from what I can see, we can all stand to learn a few basic 'human interaction' skills for when we are in a situation, and have the opportunity, to meet new people – at home, at work, at church, at play.

Even when I was on my world tour, I embraced the opportunity to meet new people – heck, there was a plane-load of them! We know that, as human beings, we all just want to be part of a group, to be loved and to be respected. (If you would like to join me on the next world tour, call my friend, Ben, President of Travel Guild: 1.800.268.4284 for information.)

Here I am with some of the phenomenal new people that I met on those trips – (Photos: in the lobby of the hotel in Hong Kong – I overheard these fellows talking about the bride coming in the door, who was from Vancouver. I couldn't help myself – as I'm ALWAYS networking – so I introduced myself so I could learn more about all of them . Then, on the plane, where we had the opportunity to master the skill of talking and juggling food/beverage at the same time – and that's a great skill to learn in the world of networking!)

In my book, "Leadership Gurus Speak Out!" (available at my website: confidenceandcourage.com) I share some great information about networking (among other things) – here are just a few tips to get you going:

1. Do you have enough business cards (and have you brought them with you)? You would be surprised how many people 'forget' to bring their cards with them – I always have a supply with me – in my purse, in my car, in my jacket when I'm out power walking too! You NEVER know when you are going to meet someone who wants to connect with you later.
   
   
2. Do your homework! Who attends the event? Make a list of people you would like to meet. When I first moved to London, I attended a premiere fund-raising event. I was invited by a new business associate. Prior to going into the building, I said to her – "I'd appreciate your help in meeting 3 of the top leaders in the city who will be here – who are progressive, authentic, positive and effective, have decision-making abilities and who would be open-minded to the kind of work I do." Mission accomplished!
   
   
3. How exactly will you meet and greet new people? (practice what you are going to say – I have a habit of listening to the other person first so that I get some perspective on what I am going to say in return, with respect to 'what I do')
   
   
4. What questions have you prepared? Will you talk about community events, TV shows ("Dragon's Den", for instance), family events? BE an interesting person.
   
   
5. Plan on how you will exit a conversation strategically and move on to meet other people.
   
   
6. Plan on how you will manage food, beverage, conversation all at the same time (when it's a 'standing' situation, I keep it simple and never try to juggle a drink, along with a plate of food – it's just easier that way.)

Those are just a few of my favorite tips. When I work with my coaching clients, I am always stressing the importance of meeting new people, being prepared, focus on developing relationships(again, whether that's at home, at work, at play, at church or in the neighborhood) and just be YOU!

"I am part of all that I have met." – Lord Tennyson, 1809-1892, English Poet

Being around people, and having the opportunity to develop relationships, is essential to our well-being. So, next time you are out, anywhere, and someone asks the question: "Who are you and what do you do?" – be prepared. More importantly, learn to ask the other person – and listen, with genuine interest. We all want to be heard and validated. Start today!

I've shared just a few of my favorite tips. What is your best piece of advice when it comes to networking – what has worked well for you?

Assignment

1. Plan to attend a new networking event this week as you focus on building your business and your network. Stretch your comfort zone, to build your confidence and courage. Use 1-2 of my tips and let me know what worked for you.
   
   
2. Next time you are at church, at a soccer game, a social event – look around for someone who may be there by themselves. Reach out. If it's not a business networking event, then ask the question: "Who are you and what do you do for fun in life?" (or some such question, to get the ball rolling....)

Do some of these exercises and I guarantee that you will start to live your best life. When you try new things, you are developing the confidence and courage to move forward and invent the life you truly want to live.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg - now that you've handled the question, how exactly do you live your life fully, 97-98% of the time? I've outlined every secret in detail, and it's all in my "Steps2Happiness Home Study System", so you can start using it all right away to get meaningful results. In addition to the exact techniques that have worked for me, the System includes everything you need to know to prioritize what to work on first, clear the decks, and set up simple, solid systems to organize your life. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things. So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. That's why my clients have gotten such great results from it. All the tools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. So easy. You can get yours at www. confidenceandcourage.com